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- June 8, 2008
Are You a Helicopter Parent
As my daughter prepares for her high school graduation, I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself what kind of parent I’ve been over the years.
Was I what some parenting experts call a “helicopter parent?” Apparently this is a term associated with baby boomers–describing us as parents who hover over nearly every aspect of their child’s life and have a hard time letting go. According to an article in USA Today, most helicoptering is by mothers who are hyper-involved with their sons’ lives and fathers are more likely to use strong-arm tactics to get results. The article also suggested that as many as 70% of parents may be involved in some kind of helicoptering behavior.
OK, so tell me, what good parent isn’t concerned about their child’s welfare? Don’t we have a right to stick our noses in their business, especially if they need help and don’t know it? Don’t you agree that some young adults need guidance when it comes to their futures—like choices for college? As a matter of fact, according to a 2007 study by the National Survey of Student Engagement, students whose parent frequently intervened in problems were more engaged on a number of measures. Those students report higher satisfaction, more deep learning activities and greater gains on desired outcomes such as learning on their own and learning to work with people from different backgrounds.
So now that you can admit that you might be a helicopter parent, the question is what type are you:
The Gunship Helicopter: This type of parent swoops down and fights battles for their young adults. This is typically the type of parent that school administrators and employers don’t like to deal with.
The Traffic Helicopter: This parent provides guidance for their young adult and helps direct them to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives. The difference between this helicopter and the gunship helicopter is that the traffic helicopter ultimately allows the student to drive their own journey.
The Rescue Helicopter: The function of this kind of parent is to either pull their young adult out of a crisis situation and bring them to safety or bring supplies to help get them back on their feet.
You can also take a quiz offered by the College Board: This was my result:
Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child’s responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance.
My parents were the Rescue Helicopters.
6 Responses to “Are You a Helicopter Parent”
I’m a traffic helicopter. I tried to instill values into my children. I guided them along the way, stayed abreast of what was going on at school and with their friends and tried to be a good listener. Open lines of communication, even through the teen years, is critical.
My mother was a traffic helicopter. Daddy was a Bomber plane!
By Pam Archer on Jun 8, 2008
Another traffic helicopter here.
Each of my kids make their own decisions, but it would be crazy not to give advice, pass on information, etc.
My 4 oldest each received full scholoarships ar various schools.
I do no fill out their applications, but will proofread, give suggestions, etc.
By Heidi Caswell on Jun 8, 2008
Hmm, well as I was a single parent for my two eldest, I’d have to say I was a ‘mixed bag’, trying to fill the role of both mother AND father often saw me struggle-I’d say I was between the Gunship helicopter traffic and rescue for most parts,and put this down to the conflict we were dealing with back then.
Either way, I was a parent devoted to doing the best that I could, with what I had…my love!
By Debbie Stevens on Jun 9, 2008
I was definitely a helicopter parent. And depending on the situation, I have been all 3 types. The good news is that the right kind of “hovering” is a good thing. My own daughter, who spent years telling me I was too involved in her life, just recently thanked me for being so involved in her life. Why? At 26, she now realizes that I “hovered” because I loved her.
By Melodieann Whiteley on Jun 9, 2008
Uh…I have two toddlers and I’m a helicopter parent in some ways now…and I suspect I’ll be a helicopter parent in other ways when they are older.
It’s interesting to me that I am aware of this crazy behavior because my parents still “rescue” me when I need help… especially in economic days of stress.
I don’t believe this is so aweful as I would “rescue” my children if they were in jeopardy in any way.
I don’t believe in hovering, or doing a childs/teens homework or telling them how to do anything/everything since that would be crazy and not healthy for their growth process, Micro-managing is too tight and helicoptering, I think, is just excessive caring…..is that so awful? I think more parents should be helicopters to some degree.
By Kristine Sheehan on Jun 9, 2008
I ‘helicoptered’ until about age 4. Now I’m sort of a helicopter gunship — I’ll attack if they’re endangered, I’ll protect if they are threatened and I’ll airlift them out for R&R if they start to struggle… At 3 – 7 ‘Life is Good’. At 8 – 11 “Life is Tough’. At 12 – 15 ‘Life can be Crap’. Hoovering is good…
By Chuck Staff on Nov 19, 2008