Next month, my husband and I will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary.  By all accounts, we’re still newlyweds but sometimes it feels like we’ve been married a LONG time.

Nevertheless, we are still very happy and very much in love.  We are still learning about each other and not trying to change the things we don’t like.  That’s because we’ve learned you can’t change another human being’s behavior.  I believe you can change YOURSELF and that will change the way your mate responds to you.

Tip Number One: Don’t Raise Your Expectations Beyond the Bar.  Thinking that someone else can make you happy, trying to read one another’s mind, wanting to do everything together, and wanting to have a perfect marriage are unrealistic expectations. They can create great barriers in your marriage. Hopefully, your expectations will include being able to lovingly resolve conflicts, to appreciate your differences as individuals, to respect and cherish one another, and to be able to discuss values and priorities.

Tip Number Two: Learn How to Listen. One of the topics I address during my seminars is on communication.  As a veteran journalist, I know how important it is to convey your message to your audience.  You must do it in such a way that they will understand you and appreciate what you have to say.  I also know it is equally important to listen to the message being conveyed in order to make sure I report the story accurately.

The same rules apply in a marriage.  You have to be an effective communicator AND a good listener.  Yelling all the time to get your point across will, more than likely, fall on deaf ears.  Also, poor communication skills can lead to a breakdown in your marriage.

There are always two points of view in a discussion or argument.  While you may be adamant about sticking to your point of view, you owe your mate the courtesy and respect to hear him/her out and appreciate their feelings.  And, by all means, PAY ATTENTION.  Eye contact is very important in making your partner feel like you really are tuned in.

Once you settle into the routine of married life, romance starts to fall on the priority list. In many relationships, it’s not intentional—it just happens. When you’ve worked all day, cooked, cleaned the house, dealt with the children and unexpected problems, you can be pretty worn out by “whoopee time.”

Who’s doing most of the talking in your bedroom? If you say the “TV”, your marriage probably has some issues.

Tip Number Three: Communicate in the Bedroom: As we settle into marriage at midlife, things become routine and that tends to include sex. Communicating with your spouse is extremely important on all levels—and yes, that includes the bedroom. If you’re someone who can’t make love without the lights off or you must always be in the bottom position, why not try stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring some new ideas.

Try reading sexy literature to each other in bed. Take turns being the narrator and if asked to re-read a particularly erotic scene, do so with a little re-enactment. Role playing can be very enticing and a lot of fun! Women, in particular, enjoy the sound of their lover’s voice as he reads steamy fiction to her in a romantic setting.

Don’t be afraid to communicate your sexual desires and try to be as open-minded as you were back then.  But don’t be afraid to let him know what you don’t like.  He shouldn’t be offended if he wants to please you.

Tip Number Four: Have a One Night Stand! Why?

• You can have time alone together without distractions.
• No meals to cook, dishes to clean.
• Conversations are not interrupted.
• Intimate moments can be spontaneous.
• No hurrying home to get the babysitter home on time.
• Romance comes more naturally.

A date night is all about spending quality “alone-time” with your mate. Don’t forget, you can only get out of your relationship what you put into it so invest wisely.

Tip Number Five: Prayer and Meditation. In my opinion, a marriage cannot survive without personal relationship with God. It is through that fellowship that you will be able to renew your strength and your faith and seek the answers to the problems and questions that may plague you at any given time.

Your prayer life should be a part of everyday living. As a matter of fact, it should grow even stronger with each passing day. Couples who pray together stay together because prayer is the lifeline that can keep you from sinking when trouble comes.

Most baby boomers say they are financially unprepared for a potential disability, according to a new survey conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP). Baby boomers would have difficulty paying bills and many would have to tap into their retirement savings if a disability occurred.

“Baby boomers have too much debt and not enough savings to weather even a short-term disability,” said Karen Ignagni, President and CEO of AHIP.

The survey assessed how financially prepared baby boomers are if the primary wage earner in their household became disabled and was unable to work for an extended period of time. Most baby boomers (55 percent) say they are not at all or somewhat unprepared. Only 15 percent say they are very or extremely prepared if a disability occurred.

Baby boomers were also asked how long they could go without their primary wage earner’s income before they had difficulty paying all their bills. Nearly two-thirds (64 percent) would have difficulty within the first year, half (49 percent) would have difficulty in the first six months, and a third (33 percent) would have difficulty paying all their bills in just the first three months. Most baby boomers said they would have difficulty making their mortgage payments, car payments, credit card payments, and/or supporting dependents within the first year.

Almost a third (32 percent) of baby boomers say they would have to tap into their retirement savings if the primary wage earner in their household became disabled. Seventeen percent admit they do not have a retirement savings to draw upon.

Most baby boomers also admit having a significant amount of non-mortgage debt, including credit cards debt and auto or education loans. More than half of boomers (52 percent) have more than five thousand dollars in non-mortgage debt. A quarter (25 percent) of boomers have more than twenty thousand dollars in debt and nine percent have debt of more than fifty thousand dollars.

“Most baby boomers will face serious financial hardship if a disability occurs,” said Humphrey Taylor, Chairman of the Harris Poll.

Did You Know?

• 50 to 70 year-old women are about to become the richest demographic in U.S. history.

• Boomers outspend other generations by an estimated $400 billion each year on consumer goods and services.

• Women between 45 and 64 are the most likely age group to shop online for beauty products.

• The 50+ market has $2.4 trillion in annual income, which accounts for 42% of all after-tax income.

• There are now more people over 65 than there are teenagers.

• Over the next 10 years the boomer generation’s leading female edge will transform the American market in nearly every consumer product category.

• 83.2% of US Boomers will use the Internet regularly in 2011, up from 75% in 2006.

• There are 8 million Hispanic Boomers.

• There are 9.1 million African American Boomers

• More than 70% of the US Boomers report buying music in the past year, making it the most important buying segment for CDs and an increasingly important market for digital downloads.

• By 2010, adults 45 years old and older will outspend younger adults by $1 trillion annually.

• Boomers, on average, have the most discretionary income of any segment of the US population.

I am a conservative Christian wife and mother and I love sex. Every Sunday morning, I attend church. Every school morning, I take my son to school. Every weekday afternoon, I kiss my husband when he gets home from work. Every evening, I cook supper for my family, and almost every night, I close my bedroom door to partake in my favorite cardio activity: sex.

While I proclaim boldly that I love sex, many of my Christian female friends do not. In fact, when I bring up my sexual appetite and prowess, my friends react like children and giggle or stare at me in dismay. My Christian friends aren’t the only ones who act surprised when I vocalize my love of sex.

Somehow it has become an oxymoron to be a Christian woman and sexual. Often times the church encourages silence on issues regarding sex. Don Joy, professor of human development and family studies at Asbury Theological Seminary and author of several books about intimacy and marriage, says that the silence of the church insinuates shame and that often there is no accounting for the power of shame. Yet also surrounded by images of sex in pop culture, Christian women often develop conflicting views on what is appropriate.

However, God wants us to celebrate sex. The Bible includes an entire book on the expression of love. In Song of Songs, King Solomon describes acts of sexual love, often using erotic lyrics like “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth … Take me away with you — let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” In Songs the female, as well as the male, vocalizes her sexual desire and experiences.

Patsy Rae Dawson, author of “Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, Vol. II: God’s People Make the Best Lovers,” states that surveys conducted by both secular and Christian groups show that God’s people make the best lovers. Dawson also says, and listen closely, “A truly uninhibited person enjoys his spouse to the fullest with the blessings of a clear conscience.”

Not only should Christian women embrace their sexuality, but they should also realize almost any sexual act within the confines of marriage is acceptable and healthy. True sexual liberation for the Christian woman comes with the ability to welcome uninhibited love with her husband. Furthermore, Christian women should enjoy a hot, slammin’ sex life.

Written by: Leslie Niswonger for The University Daily Kansan newspaper

Name that Tune: A Little Boomer Humor

Herman’s Hermits — Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr — I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees — How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

Bobby Darin — Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash.

Roberta Flack — The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash — I Can’t See Clearly Now !

Paul Simon — Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores — Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye — Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem — A Whiter Shade of Hair!

Leo Sayer— You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations — Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba — Denture Queen

Tony Orlando — Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy — I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore !

Leslie Gore — It’s My Procedure, and I’ll Cry If I Want Too!

Willie Nelson — On the Commode Again !!

Long Term Healthcare: Race DOES Matter

Blacks in the U.S. are more likely to receive lower-quality nursing home care than whites, according to a study published in the September/October issue of the journal Health Affairs, CQ HealthBeat reports.

he study — led by Vincent Mor, chair of the Department of Community Health at Brown University, and funded by the Commonwealth Fund — examined data from 2000 on 7,196 nursing homes that have more than 800,000 residents in 147 metropolitan areas nationwide.

According to the study, Milwaukee, Wis., had the largest disparity in quality of care for blacks and whites in nursing homes, and 10 of the 20 facilities with the largest disparities were located in Indiana, Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin.

The study found that the disparity in quality of care for blacks and whites in nursing homes related to racial segregation. Nursing homes in Cleveland were the most segregated, followed by Gary, Ind.; Milwaukee; Detroit; Indianapolis; Chicago; St. Louis; Harrisburg, Pa.; Toledo, Ohio; and Cincinnati (Carey, CQ HealthBeat, 9/11).

The study also found that blacks were nearly three times as likely as whites to live in nursing homes with a large proportion of Medicaid beneficiaries, and such facilities are more likely to have limited staff, which can lead to lower quality of care. In addition, blacks were almost twice as likely as whites to live in nursing homes that lost their ability to participate in Medicare and Medicaid because of low quality of care, the study found. Blacks also were almost 1.5 times as likely as whites to live in nursing homes cited for violation that could result in immediate injuries to residents, according to the study (Fackelmann, USA Today, 9/11).

Large Belly at Midlife Could lead to Dementia

People with larger stomachs in their 40s are more likely to have dementia when they reach their 70s, according to a study published in the March 26, 2008, online issue of Neurology®, the medical journal of the American Academy of Neurology.

The study involved 6,583 people age 40 to 45 in northern California who had their abdominal fat measured. An average of 36 years later, 16 percent of the participants had been diagnosed with dementia. The study found that those with the highest amount of abdominal fat were nearly three times more likely to develop dementia than those with the lowest amount of abdominal fat.

“Considering that 50 percent of adults in this country have an unhealthy amount of abdominal fat, this is a disturbing finding,” said study author Rachel A. Whitmer, PhD, a Research Scientist of the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, CA, and member of the American Academy of Neurology.

“Research needs to be done to determine what the mechanisms are that link abdominal obesity and dementia.”

Having a large abdomen increased the risk of dementia regardless of whether the participants were of normal weight overall, overweight, or obese, and regardless of existing health conditions, including diabetes, stroke and cardiovascular disease.

Those who were overweight and had a large belly were 2.3 times more likely to develop dementia than people with a normal weight and belly size. People who were both obese and had a large belly were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia than those of normal weight and belly size. Those who were overweight or obese but did not have a large abdomen had an 80-percent increased risk of dementia.

A large belly in mid-life has also been shown to increase the risk of diabetes, stroke, and coronary heart disease, but this is the first time researchers have demonstrated that it also increases risk of dementia.

In the study, women were more likely than men to have abdominal obesity, along with non-whites, smokers, people with high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes, and those with less than a high school level of education.

As with all observational studies, it is possible that the association of the abdominal obesity and dementia is not driven by the abdominal obesity, but rather by a complex set of health-related behaviors, for which abdominal obesity is but one part.

“Autopsies have shown that changes in the brain associated with Alzheimer’s disease may start in young to middle adulthood, and another study showed that high abdominal fat in elderly adults was tied to greater brain atrophy,” Whitmer said. “These findings imply that the dangerous effects of abdominal obesity on the brain may start long before the signs of dementia appear.”

The American Academy of Neurology, an association of more than 21,000 neurologists and neuroscience professionals, is dedicated to improving patient care through education and research. A neurologist is a doctor with specialized training in diagnosing, treating and managing disorders of the brain and nervous system such as stroke, Alzheimer’s disease, epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, and multiple sclerosis.

For more information about the American Academy of Neurology, visit http://www.aan.com.