Why Black Women Don’t Excercise

It’s a HAIR thing!

That’s right.  Our hair keeps us from working out at a pace and level we should be in order to shed those unwanted pounds.

Let me break it down for you.  If I spend $50 or more to get my hair to look like a Baby Boomer Diva hairstyle should look and then turn around and exercise like I know I should, I would have wasted my money.  The body perspiration will sweat the curls right out of my head and I will end up having to spend even more money to restore my hair back to its Beauty Salon Look.  I need to keep my hairdo for at least a week. 

In the meantime, I’ll just cut back on my food intake—which means I’ll eat like a bird—until I decide it’s OK to hit the gym once again.  Blame it on menopause or whatever! but my body has just got to understand.

The number one reason African-American women DON’T EXERCISE on a consistent basis is because we don’t want to mess up our hair.  If you don’t believe me, just ask my hairdresser.

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Learn to Laugh at Work

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, s that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, co-workers or pets. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.-In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch break and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the > company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

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